Mom life can often feel like a whirlwind—between juggling the demands of work, raising kids, and navigating all of life’s “precious moments”.  The chaos, the stress, the endless to-do lists—some days, it can feel almost unbearable. But what if you had a tool to help you stay grounded and focused, even when the world around you feels like it’s spinning out of control? That’s where the concept of “Observe, Don’t Absorb” comes in!  I actually thought I coined this phrase, but after a quick Google search, I see others have also come up with the same genius technique.  I originally used this method to stay sane in a particularly toxic and stressful work environment (gotta love Corporate America), but I have used it many more times as a mom of young kids.  It’s a powerful mindset that should be in every new mom’s toolkit, right alongside the advice on diaper changes and sleep training.  So, let’s explore practical ways to emotionally detach from other people’s crazy in order to maintain a sense of calm. Ready to reclaim your peace?

What does it mean to observe, not absorb?

Simply put, it’s about being aware of the energy around us without letting it take over our own state of mind. Picture this: Your toddler’s having a meltdown because the peanut butter isn’t spread exactly the way she wants it. You can see the tantrum, hear the screams, and maybe even feel a little anxiety creeping in, but the key here is not absorbing that energy. You’re the calm, collected observer in this circus. Maintaining emotional boundaries is key because it allows us to respond somewhat sanely, rather than react impulsively or be consumed by negativity. It’s the difference between being a participant in the drama and being the calm observer who chooses to not get pulled in.

A little bit of science

Emotional contagion is a fascinating psychological phenomenon where emotions are “caught” from others, much like a virus. When we’re around someone who’s stressed, anxious, or upset, our brains pick up on those feelings, often without us even realizing it. This is because our brains are wired for empathy—our mirror neurons literally mimic the emotions of those around us. Stress, especially in chaotic or toxic environments, can trigger a biological response in our own brains, leading us to feel the same heightened sense of tension or anxiety. Now, throw your own kids into the mix, and it’s like you’re a walking emotional sponge. As a mom, you’re especially sensitive to your children’s feelings, because you’re constantly attuned to their needs, moods, and meltdowns. If your little one is freaking out over a dropped cookie or a lost favorite toy, it’s hard not to get swept up in their emotional storm, even though the situation is objectively trivial. But just like with any emotional contagion, when your kids are upset, your brain registers that as a threat. Negative energy is especially easy to absorb because our brains are on high alert for potential threats, and that instinct to protect our loved ones can sometimes trick us into absorbing their anxiety or frustration, leaving us feeling emotionally drained.

How to observe, not absorb

Visualize yourself as an observer, not a participant: Picture yourself as a fly on the wall—just observing, not participating. When you’re in the middle of a chaotic moment, especially with your kids, take a mental step back and imagine you’re watching from the sidelines. You can still be present and aware of what’s happening, but you don’t have to get emotionally swept away by it. You’re not the lead character in this drama, you’re the wise observer who knows how to keep her cool.

Create emotional boundaries: Just because your child is melting down over a missed nap or your partner is frazzled after a long day, doesn’t mean you have to absorb that stress. Create emotional boundaries by telling yourself, “This is their stress, not mine.” You’re allowed to acknowledge the emotions without absorbing them. If you need to, step away, take a deep breath, or just repeat in your head, “I can’t fix this right now.” It’s okay to prioritize your emotional well-being.

Just breathe: The most effective tool for maintaining emotional distance? Your breath. Try taking slow, deep breaths when the chaos ramps up, and mentally focus on yourself, not the drama. Deep breathing helps slow your heart rate, calm your nervous system, and remind your brain that it’s not in immediate danger. It’s like hitting the “reset” button on your emotions, and it keeps you from absorbing all the stress around you.

Create a positive (or at least tolerable) environment: Sometimes, it’s less about “creating a perfect environment” and more about finding the path of least resistance. When things are chaotic and your kids are melting down over the last cookie, ask yourself: “Is this battle really worth it?” You can’t control every tantrum or meltdown, but you can control how much energy you put into them. Sometimes, just letting them have the cookie (within reason) or letting them watch one more episode of Cocomelon is the easiest way to keep the peace. Create a pocket of peace for yourself, even if it means stepping out for five minutes, sipping tea, or zoning out to your favorite playlist.

And my favorite one – visualize stress as passing clouds or a passing storm: When things start to feel like they’re spiraling, try visualizing the stressful moment as a cloud floating in the sky or a storm passing by. Picture yourself calmly observing the cloud or storm as it moves through the sky, knowing that it’s temporary. Stressful situations, especially with young kids, can feel like the end of the world in the moment, but by visualizing the storm passing, you can remind yourself that everything is transient. This visualization helps you detach from the intensity of the situation and see it for what it really is: a fleeting moment, not a permanent part of your day or your life. You’re the calm observer watching the weather change—no need to get soaked in the downpour.

So remember, by practicing the “Observe, Don’t Absorb” mindset, you can build emotional resilience and stay centered even things get a bit gnarly. It’s your secret weapon to stay emotionally intact when the world feels like it’s crumbling—or at least when your kids are. The next time stress and negativity try to drain you, just remember: you’re not a sponge, you’re a rock. #protectyourpeace

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My hope is that this blog may be helpful, or dare I say inspirational to someone out there. How do you attempt to stay calm during stressful AF moments?