As a diverse family, we’ve definitely noticed the curious stares—whether it’s because my husband is Indian, I’m white, and our foster daughter is Black, or simply because our family doesn’t quite look like the “traditional” model. I still feel self-conscious from time to time, wondering if people are silently judging us. But over time, I’ve realized that staring doesn’t always equal judgment. Often, it’s just genuine curiosity or surprise, especially in a world where multiracial families are still a bit of an anomaly. Some people might just be trying to process what they’re seeing, while others must be admiring how beautifully colorful our family is (because damn, we look good).

The staring started when my husband and I began dating, and it was something I wasn’t quite prepared for. Everywhere we went, it seemed like Indian people couldn’t help but stare—whether we were at the grocery store, walking in a crowded airport, or grabbing a coffee. At first, I took it personally, wondering if they were judging us, but my husband quickly explained that it’s just part of their culture. He reassured me that the stares weren’t disapproving, just curiosity. In India, it’s common for people to be fascinated by unfamiliar faces or different pairings, and I started to accept that it was more about them trying to make sense of what they were seeing rather than any sort of judgment. Still, it was a weird adjustment for me, especially since I was used to blending in, and now I felt like we were an exhibit at the zoo.

Then, adding a Black baby into the mix took the staring to a whole new level. Suddenly, when we walked into a room, it felt like all eyes were on us, silently trying to figure out the puzzle. People would look at my husband and me, then at our daughter, then back at us, probably wondering, “Is she theirs? But how? She’s definitely Black.”

When I’m out in public with just my foster daughter, I’ve noticed a curious dynamic. White women often smile at me with what feels like a sense of approval, as if I’m some kind of saint for adopting a Black child. It’s a strange, almost patronizing feeling, as if they see me as this “good white mother” taking on a noble cause. On the flip side, Black moms often approach me with genuine curiosity about her, particularly about her hair. They’ll ask what products I use, how I care for it, and offer tips—like a silent acknowledgment that I’m doing my best, but there’s a shared understanding that I’m a little out of my element when it comes to certain aspects of her care. It’s a reminder that there’s still a cultural gap that I’ll never fully bridge as a white mother of a Black child, and those subtle exchanges highlight the complexities of race and identity in parenting.

Then, when you add in our HinJew biological son, we become a walking enigma— the ultimate mix of cultures and backgrounds, a family that doesn’t neatly fit into any one box.

How to handle the stares in the moment

Smile and Wave: Sometimes, a simple smile or friendly wave can throw people off guard and shift their gaze. It’s a subtle way of saying, “Yep, we’re fabulous, and you’re welcome to enjoy the view!” Plus, you get to maintain your cool while they try to figure out their next move.

Engage with Humor: If someone is staring a bit too long, throw in a playful comment like, “Yes, we’re a walking diversity ad—thank you for noticing!” It lightens the mood and might just get them to stop and think, “Hey, maybe I shouldn’t stare so much.”

Ignore and Keep Moving: Sometimes, the best response is no response at all. When people stare or act curious, just keep walking, like the fabulous family you are. Remember, their curiosity is their problem, not yours—keep your head high and your stride even higher.

As a diverse family, we can actively contribute to changing perceptions by embracing our unique presence and interactions with the world—because, let’s face it, we really are a walking, talking diversity campaign. For my kids, I hope to build their emotional resilience and boost their self-esteem and self-confidence, even in the face of staring strangers. I will encourage them to focus on the positives and ignore the negatives and to respond to curiosity and stares with pride and understanding. By empowering our children with pride and confidence in their identity, I hope we can equip them to handle the world’s curiosity with grace—because if they can navigate the endless questions and stares, they’ll know that love and family truly come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and maybe even with a few extra scoops of sass.

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My hope is that this blog may be helpful, or dare I say inspirational to someone out there. How have you dealt with public reactions to your diverse family?